Please, let me fuck your mom
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
