Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
