I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
