dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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