when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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