when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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