i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
