I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
