After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
