He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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