I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
