I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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