I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
