i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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