lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
