I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
