Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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