I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
