i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
