im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My ass is underappreciated
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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