I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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