He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
