Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
