Where is the hickey?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
