I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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