I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
