I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
