Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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