I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
