found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
