I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize