3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
