is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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