Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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