we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
