sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
