KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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