Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
