There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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