Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
