He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have aggressive nipples.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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