kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
