RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
