We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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