She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
