How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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