take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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