I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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