i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
