clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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