what day is it and did you see me today?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
