Duck Duck Cougar?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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