the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
