guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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