I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
