Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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