yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
