i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
