We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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