Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
