I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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