I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
