Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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