Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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