No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
