sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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