i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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