I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
