anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
