I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
try to milk me bitch
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